Things I've Been Thinking About....

As I have sat, laid, slept on the couch day after day after day....I have had many thoughts that run through my head. Random thoughts that come up, and just things that I think about.....

• i want to go on a trip...when i think about going somewhere, on a trip, its never to disneyland or anything like that...it's somewhere i can be outdoors...somewhere that I can listen to the wind in the trees and the water running right beside me. somewhere the kids can run and play....get dirty...and enjoy the calmness around them.
• i had the pleasure of getting a massage from a cousin of nathan's a few weeks ago....when he started, he started with visualization....he wanted me to get into a very relaxed state (i have struggled with that lately)...he told me to think in my mind of somewhere i wanted to be, somewhere that was calm...i envisioned myself at the bottom of the grand canyon, laying next to the colorado river...i could hear the river running, i could hear the birds and see them, i could see the beautiful colors of the rocks....i think of this place often
• i think about giving birth one more time and am excited about the prospect of doing it naturally again. however, this time it will be at home with a midwife. i think about how calming that will be, to be in my own element, to have a midwife who is really there for ME..i think about the conversations i might have with my midwife and the opportunity we will have of getting to know each other during this new pregnancy
• i think about my sweet family....how much they have done for me this last month as i've had to take a step back from doing all of my "normal" things...i think about how grown up rebekkah is becoming as she has had to take on more responsibilities lately...i think about how i sometimes miss sweet moments with them because we are in a rush to get to school...i think about this morning, and how i took the time to give both rebekkah and abby EXTRA hugs and kisses when i dropped them off...and the lump in my throat that i got as i walked back to my car
• i think about my dear husband...as i have struggled this last month, so has he....i think about how many times i don't show him how much i love him...i think about how selfless he is and about how selfish i am at times...i think about how tired he is when he gets home and yet still helps with dinner....i think about last night as i laid on the couch and watched him wrestle and play with the kids...i can still hear the laughter and see the joy on their faces